One of my favorite things in life is being married to a pastor.
First, my pastor is pretty awesome and I’m partial to doing life with him. It just makes the journey more fun when you are in love with your spouse.
Second, I love the joy of watching Christ transform people from the inside out.
I confess that I didn’t always feel this way about being the pastor’s wife.
Living life in a fishbowl can be intimidating when you consider all the expectations people have for the pastor’s wife and her family. Sometimes when you start out in ministry, you are just trying to keep your head above the water! My husband and I felt especially overwhelmed during those early years of ministry, but we found God was graceful to protect His church until He could help us learn a few things.
As Paul was saying his final farewells to his leaders in Ephesus in Acts 20:28, he commissioned them with the task of watching over the church they were leading.
“Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers. Be shepherds of the church of God, which he bought with his own blood.” Acts 20:28
As pastors and pastor’s spouses, we also should take this responsibility seriously. Do we value this role and guard carefully our responsibility as shepherds? If we’re honest, it’s sometimes easier to grow to resent the fishbowl than love the sheep.
In order to lead sheep, the sheep must be able to see you. In fact, if you’ve ever hung around the sheep pen, you’ve discovered that you usually wind up smelling like the sheep. Likewise, the shepherd should smell like the sheep. In other words, they must have access to our lives as ministers if we are going to lead them. How can they follow us, if they can’t see us?
Now for most of us, this can be terrifying!
What if they see my imperfections? What if I stumble along the way?
They will see your imperfections.
You will stumble along the way.
It’s a sign you are a part of the human family.
But one thing I have learned is that our willingness to be real with people about our struggles and stumbles allows them to see how an imperfect person can live out their faith.
Too many leaders in the past have been aloof as the “untouchable” and people couldn’t relate. Or worse, they believed that only a chosen few could be expected to live a life of faith-filled passion and fruit for Christ. They fell victim to the lie that the life of Christ in us was somehow out of their reach and meant only for the minister.
Our message as ministers is that the sheep can live out their faith by the power of His Spirit and make known the gospel to this world. It is not the job of a select few, but something all of us can do through Christ, even when difficulties come our way.
When you answer the call of God and yield to love and lead His sheep in obedience, He is doing something very deep in you. It isn’t always pretty, because in spite of His faithfulness, we are sometimes very unfaithful. And it can be especially challenging when you realize the vast number of those who are watching you.
But know this: the difficult seasons of our ministry lives are opportunities for God to change us, heal us, and lead us into greater fruitfulness, especially in ministry. It’s another chance for us to point people to Christ. It’s not enough to speak to them about faith; we must be willing to live out our lives leading them with our own faith.
You don’t have to hide in the fishbowl.
God has called you and your spouse to walk with grace before Him, and before the people you lead, even when life becomes difficult. This is merely the opportunity He is looking for to be glorified through your difficulty. I pray your lives inspire the faith of those who follow you.
The fruit of our obedience is always worth the cost.
Excerpted from Help! I’m Married to the Pastor (Learning to Love Your Life of Ministry) by Kimberly Waldie. Copyright©2015 by Kimberly Waldie. Used by permission of Daniel Communications. All rights reserved.
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