Looking back at my younger self at times makes me smile; other times, I cringe.

I grew up in the eighties with big hair, big dreams, and big ideas about how the world worked.  When I look into those eyes from the eighties, I see one who was very clueless and too often didn’t know it.

It’s the things we don’t know that we don’t know that can hurt us.

Let that sink in.

Some say ignorance is bliss.  I have mostly found it arrogant and treacherous.   You probably have, too.  By the time we figure out the truth, we’re stuck living with regret and that’s a terrible thing to be stuck with.

But as I look back over the years, I’ve noticed a trend and want to share it so you can be smarter and live with less regret.  There are many things I said I would never do.  Time and young naivety have a way of making a fool of us all.

So here are a few I’ve had to live down:

1. “I will never marry a pastor.” I only said it once to a friend as she tossed out the idea of dating my husband.  Even as I said it, I knew in my heart I’d marry him in an instant, if only he would ask.  And he did.  What have I gained?  There are too many things to list but the big things include a greater understanding of the depths of love and the power of trust, and what joy a woman can find in her heart living with a man who offers both.  I don’t tell him enough but he is my greatest gift after Jesus.  No one has benefited more from marrying a pastor than me.
2. “I will never drive a mini-van.” This was truthfully one of the dumbest things I’ve said.  Anyone who has more than one child knows that a mini-van is one of life’s necessities. The mini-van taught me that my value doesn’t come from a car.  It does, however, make traveling easier with children and that makes me smarter!
3. “I will never lead women’s ministry.” This is truthfully one of the scariest nevers I had to face and I wrote a whole chapter in my book about it.  What I thought about myself and about women, in general, needed to change and God made sure both did.   I try my hardest to say “yes” to Him, even when I’m scared.   “Stop complaining,” He said, “and start doing something to make it better.”  Serving our women has changed me forever and brought much fruit and many friends into my life.
4. “I will never like golf.” After having two children immersed in the golf world (one is heading to college on a golf scholarship) and my third on her way to playing this summer, I screamed uncle.  Hey, anything that helps pay for college can’t be so bad! Our family recently watched the Masters and mourned with Jordan Spieth.  In the words of my 11-year old, “I feel so bad for Jordan.”  We all do, Mikayla.
5. “I will never be caught dead in my pajamas.” Having lived in rural America has left me with a comfort zone that now includes the 4 acres around my home.  Walking the dogs through the woods with said pajamas barely fazes me now and that was only when I met that hunter last fall.  But, please, don’t expect me to wear them to Walmart.
6. “I will never drink coffee.” This one causes me a lot of regret since I waited until my third child before partaking in the morning coffee ritual.  All those years I dragged around in the morning for nothing.  My husband says I’m a coffee addict.  I highly disagree.  I’m a coffee connoisseur and enjoy the feeling that comes in experiencing life’s little pleasures and little motivations in the morning to help kick the butt into gear each day.  Some of us need the extra help, especially on Mondays.
7. “I will never be a girly-girl.” I confess that besides Jesus, coffee, and chocolate, there is something I prefer not to live without and it might make me seem a little snooty.  Quality hair products.  In my case, quality is spelled A-V-E-D-A.   In my opinion, this is a monthly necessity in the budget, though my husband, again, doesn’t understand how a woman can shop at Tractor supply for footwear and yet spend so much on hair products.
8. “I will never like camping.” It’s amazing the fun girls can have with dirt, horses, long trail rides, and amazing dinners over the fire.  I still require clean feet when I get in that sleeping bag but you can’t imagine the creative ways I’ve discovered to make it happen.  Those long trail rides with daughters have left us with memories that are priceless.   I’ll need those memories when I say good-bye to one of my girls this fall.

Whatever your age, may I leave you with the biggest lesson learned from my list of nevers?

Our stubbornness and ignorance of the things that we really need in this life to grow keep our boxes and lives small, and too often, our dreams dead.  The point? Let go of all the preconceived ideas of what you think you must have in order to be happy.

Life isn’t all about happy.

It’s about living and growing and becoming the beautiful person God sees you can be. Trust Him to know exactly what you need to become that person. Live with your hands wide open, try hard to say “yes” to Him always, and you’ll discover something better than happy.

It’s called joy.

And some of the greatest joys in life coming from shaking off our wrong ideas and living an abandoned life for God that never says never.