CONSISTENCY.
Is there any other word that strikes fear into the hearts of people more than this word? This word follows us into every area of life: diet, exercise, devotions, and yes, parenting.
Last week at church, I was enjoying conversation with another mom. You know how rare that can be when kids are around! While we were talking, this mother’s little boy happened to walk up and engage mom for just a minute. Not liking her response, he gave her a little kick and took off. I held my breath…waiting to see what Mom would do. You’ve been there before–exhausted after the Sunday services, hungry, ready for a good nap, people everywhere–it would be so easy to just overlook this moment. In this case, Mom quietly took her child aside to deal with his actions. She didn’t bemoan his poor behavior and how she failed as parent, she just dealt with it. She won my “hero” award for the day.
Who has not been inspired after reading the latest parenting book and then, after a week or so, we give up because it doesn’t seem to be working? In our heads, we have failed again.
But the truth is this: consistency is your friend, not your enemy. I have found over the years that the greatest changes in behavior only resulted from my consistency in holding my children accountable to the boundaries. No matter the brilliance of the idea, if there wasn’t consistency, it wasn’t going to work. Even if you are fresh out of ideas, if you can maintain your consistency in boundaries, you are guaranteed some level of success. And really, your true enemies are exhaustion and distraction. In those early parenting years, I was always trying to juggle the balls of motherhood activity and it left me feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed in inconsistency.
When I talk to struggling parents, I sometimes rush to give them all kinds of creative discipline techniques to “pull the rug” on their child. However, I’m now discovering that consistency is usually our biggest issue. Be honest in your assessment of yourself.
Before you call the pastor, the pharmacist, or the therapist, ask yourself these questions: “Am I following through? When I set boundaries, do I follow through with action? Are they getting a pay-off from me for their behavior?”
Your answers to these questions will help you determine whether you have a “consistency” issue. The bad news? Only you can fix that. No counseling or drug will alleviate problems with inconsistent parenting. The good news? You can fix that!
You don’t need a parenting class, medication, or a Master’s Degree in Behavioral Science to make a change. So start today; then do it again tomorrow; and again the next day. Do it when it is inconvenient. Do it when you are tired. Start with small, baby steps; stop yelling and start acting. You can turn off the distractions (smart phones, television, activities, etc.) and prioritize your life for a while so that you can focus on your child. If Junior can’t follow directions or behave at home, does he really need to be on the soccer team and make them miserable, too? Avoid exhaustion by simplifying life for this time. All those great activities will still be offered after you’ve made progress in dealing with poor behavior.
Rather than moan over your failure as a parent, realize you are the parent God has chosen for this child. He has good reasons for putting you both together so He can make both of you more like Christ. No more waiting for a miracle fix! You can do it.
So take one consistent step at a time, and begin to knock out the distractions so you can focus on change. It will be worth it all in the long run! One day you will wake up from that exhaustion and find out that…hey…your kid is suddenly kinda fun to be with!